I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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