I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize