At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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