Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
