stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
