hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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