that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
