This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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