I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
