You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
