So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
