dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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