he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
