i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
