Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
