I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
