I am full of burrito and curiosity
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
