I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
