im six kinds of drunk right now
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
