i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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