To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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