all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
