Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
