can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
