btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
