One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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