At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
