he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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