Umm I'm too high to move.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
