oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
