that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
