i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
