Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize