I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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