When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize