just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I want is dick and wine.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
