just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
