Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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