Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
