i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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