bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
