I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
