He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
