I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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