dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
