He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
