DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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