I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
