clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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