Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
