Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
