You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
