just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
