I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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