Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
