Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Floor bacon is actually really good
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
