i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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