..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
