They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
