I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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