And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
