My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize